Homesickness is normal and okay. If I would have realized this as soon as I started feeling homesick, everything would have gone a lot smoother. To me, it seemed like no one else cared that they had just moved away from their family, friends, community, and everything that their lives had been built around for the past 18 years. I was shocked! Seriously!? Why was everyone having such an incredible first 2 months of college, and I couldn't even talk to Gabe on the phone without crying for an hour afterwards. He was growing up without me, and I was missing everything. I thought Skype would be an awesome way to keep in touch with family but that made it all worse... they were all there together, gathered around the computer smiling and laughing among themselves and I was here. Alone. Completely and utterly alone. I cried everyday. Literally. Every single day from September to December. I can actually only think of one happy day, it was the first time I walked down to the Elementary school to volunteer. The sun was out. I was happy. Then the next day, another bad day.
Looking back, that time period just seems DARK. Dark and lonely. I had made lots of great friends the first couple of weeks of school which was good, but those friendships mostly died as I locked myself in my room and cried. I couldn't focus on anything except for when I could go home next. And then the most ironic part, going home made it all worse.
My mother, who has always been my closest friend, tried her hardest to help me. I wanted to her relate to my homesickness but she had had 11 siblings and she went to college as far away from her crazy family as possible, she couldn't relate to homesickness in any way. I felt like I was a giant disappointment to her, she expressed that she felt like she had poor parenting skills because I hadn't made a smooth transition from high school to college. And with this concern, I decided to pretend everything was fine. At least I tried to pretend it was fine but I still ended texting her late at night, "I miss you mom! come give me a hug!" I still called her crying.
And now: how I got over it. I can't remember a certain day that I woke up and said,"Hey! I'm not homesick any more!" That didn't happen. It was quite the process. The main thing was that I didn't go home between Christmas break and Presidents day (partially because my family drove me a little crazy over the break) I stayed here for a whole month! AHH! I was so happy. I got in my own cute little routine, and I focused so much better on my school work because I knew that I wasn't gong home, and I wasn't even worried about it! I made great friends with my roommate Sarah, and her friend, Miranda. I also hung out with the girls from Snow 407 a whole bunch! I made friends and built my own little life.
The other big thing that happened is that I started to realize that in my mind, missing someone was the same as loving them. NOT TRUE. When I talked to my brothers over the phone I said, "I miss you, bye!" They didn't know that I was mixing up the words miss and love... I can love someone without missing them. I couldn't let go of missing my family because I thought it meant that I would stop loving them. This concept might not make sense to anyone else... but it does to me!
So I got over it! Even though in September, it didn't seem like I would ever get over it, I did! And you can too. As much as it hurts, try to stay away from home, and slowly, very slowly, you will pull out of that awful feeling that is homesickness.
I love these folks
taken at the 50th anniversary party
And we are CRAZY about you! The only dissapointment was that I couln't help. Going to college is mourning the loss of your childhood and that is HUGE! I know because I am still mourning the loss of you and your childhood!and BTW you can't pretend and get away with it anyway! nice try!:) way to go G-dog!! got your big girl panties on! now bring some Mexican Orphans back with you! we got room! LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE you Princess!
ReplyDeleteHi Grace! If you don't mind me giving you a little advice, as a friend:
ReplyDeleteIt's because your mom & dad did such an excellent job at parenting that you are so homesick - not because of a failure on their part. Notice your own words about your mom's experience: "she went to college as far away from her crazy family as possible." For her, leaving was a matter of sanity - it was easy! (Incidentally, that's the same thing that made it easy for me to leave my family behind!) You obviously don't feel the same way about your family, so why the surprise at leaving? I promise you this: you also didn't want to leave our Heavenly Parents for the same reason; namely, that you loved them terribly, and definitely didn't think they were crazy.
I notice, in your own writing, you said that there was a day you didn't feel as bad as the other days; it was the day you.... what? Here's the quote, from your own book of scripture:
"...it was the first time I walked down to the Elementary school to volunteer."
When we go to help others, we forget ourselves and, thankfully, our problems. Matthew 16:25 is the best advice on this topic, let's read it in context (v24-26):
24: Then said Jesus unto his disciples, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me.
25: For whosoever will save his life shall lose it: and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.
26: For what is a man profited, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul? or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
It's when we lose our lives in service, just as He did, that we save our lives, and thus know true happiness. What was Christ's life all about? Very simply, he served.
Lastly, perhaps you remember President Hinckley's father's sage advice to his son when he was struggling with the same challenge you are now facing (being away from home): "Forget yourself and go to work." That doesn't necessarily mean school, per se; it means to simply serve others and forget yourself, no matter in what way.
I hope you receive this in the same spirit it is given - you are an amazing person with a lot to offer (one of the few that actually seemed to care when you were in Sunday School with your peers); don't let the enemy of your soul tell you any different. Just remember, though, that the things you have to offer must be shared with others in order to make them effective unto salvation.
:)
Serving others is the only way I've been able to beat the terrible loneliness that can come living here in the Telestial kingdom, and I highly regard it as the saving grace in my life.
And speaking of, let me know if and when I can help you learn the craft of telling websites what to do. :)