he's my brother.

i look down at my feet, they look huge! am i wearing women's shoes? Suddenly i realize that i'm driving. 'that can't be right...' i think to myself. I wonder where i'm going. i park and get out and look up on the building im walking into. High school? High school!? there's no way i'm in high school, it was just yesterday that i turned 12! i walk into the day care. wait- i watch these kids? last week i was one of them. Not a care in the world and now my life is crammed with worldly wastes of time, shopping, trying to make my mess of hair look decent, homework, cooking, wasting time watching T.V. and reading stupid books.

When i get home gabe is at my feet, begging me to play. "not right now" i start to say. My mind can't stop thinking about all the things i need to do, bucket loads of homework, clean my room, get nolan to piano, take that book back to the library... gabe is smiling, looking up at me, squeezing my leg tightly. " okay" i say smiling back at him. Just this once it will be okay. i can drop everything and show my baby how much i love him.

We take a walk down to the elementary school. So many memories. As i lay down on the warm grass, all the memories come flooding back. countless soccer games played right here where I'm laying. snow forts and baseball. I remember building sand castles over there and digging big holes. going down the slides, racing, running, smiling, laughing, enjoying. That was my life. i hear i car door shut and sit up, a little girl had just hopped out of a mini van. I get up and go to the playground where my two year brother is playing. the girl comes and stands by him, she looks to be about eight. " um.." she says. "your son is in my way." so thats how grown up i look. great. this little girl thinks I'm a mother. "He's my brother" i reply. "and i think your in HIS way."